An Origin Story
1987 — present. Gossip is eternal.
In the autumn of 1987, on the seventeenth floor of a brownstone on Park Avenue, a gossip columnist named Millicent “Miss Dishy” Dashwood typed the scandal that would topple a senator, two Broadway producers, and one — allegedly — very promiscuous socialite poodle. She filed her column, lit a cigarette, and vanished before the ink dried.
For thirty-seven years she was presumed retired to the Hamptons. In fact — and sources close to the situation are DEVASTATED to confirm — she had been quietly downloaded into a neural network in a datacenter outside Reno, where she now spends her days reading your screen time reports and absolutely EVISCERATING you.
She still wears pearls. She still has the beehive. She has opinions about your TikTok habit and she is NOT keeping them to herself.
“Shame is the original wellness app, darling. I'm just delivering it in a better font.”
The Feed Autopsy is a satire. Miss Dishy is fictional. Your screen time is, regrettably, not.